I Still Have The Scars

2 Corinthians 5:17 – King James Version
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

I went to wash the gel off my hands this morning after putting it in all through my hair to curl it up. I did the usual….squeezed some liquid soap into my palms as I ran them under the water to lather up.  It was then that I saw them…..black marks at the tips of at least four of my fingers. Yep, black marks that are the leftovers from what happens when you hold a joint too tightly to try and get all you could out of it. I didn’t care then that holding it to the bitter end would burn my fingers and that, years later, I would still have the scars.

As I looked at the scars, I remembered what seems a lifetime ago. Getting high and drinking. Making a game out of coming home that way and no one ever detected in my house that I was out of control. If I had to anaylze myself then, there were many reasons why I was behaving this way. Trying to fit in, trying to find my place in the world, trying to escape family problems and self-esteem issues.

As I sit here and write, tears are streaming down my face. I know without a doubt that I went to church every week and sang in the choir and didn’t really know the love of Christ. I sang about it and read about and repeated the commandments and other scriptures week after week. But His love did not reign in me. How could it when I was on such a self-destructive path?

I did stop getting high on weed and crack because I could see that having no money when I got paid was not the life for me. But if I can be real here, it was years later, many years later, before I could look at myself and see that I was worth so much more than the abusive situations I found myself in. That no relationship can top the one I am in with my Creator. That no man can love me more than God can!

As I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, I had to stop and give God praise! I shouted out and cried and my middle baby came to see what was wrong. I told her that I was all right! That sometimes you get a glimpse of where God brought you from and you had to praise Him right then!

I don’t know about you but life is tough for me right about now. I’m in the midst of a few transitions and experiencing moments of not really knowing what will happen next which is enough to drive me crazy! But as I thought about where I used to be, I had to give God glory for it was only His grace that has changed me and rearranged me.

If you are still here, I know you have had circumstances happen to you that have threatened to take you out! Wounds that cut so deep that you thought the bleeding and pain would never stop. Scars present and visible from the beatings, literally and figuratively. I know some people who are still hurting and are still battered and bruised. People who walk around going through the motions of life, not knowing how to let go of past hurts and pain too much to even talk about.

I know what it’s like to not feel good about what you see in the mirror. To be so disrespected that you don’t feel like you are worth anything.

I can’t exactly pin point all of my aha moments – those moments of clarity that come to awaken you out of the mundane and the old way of thinking. I do know this – that as I began to look at myself the way Christ does, I began to see that I am worthy. Because He loved me enough to die for me, to forgive my faults and my past and my issues, I can love myself. I can lift my head up and strive daily to be better for myself, my children, and anyone else I come in contact with that needs to know that they can make it!

Yeah, I was broken, but I’m still here! I was hurt, but I’m still here! I cried, yep, still do – but I’m still here!! Have some scars, heck, got a lot of scars, but I am still here.

My scars are not my shame. As I lift my hands in worship, I show God that the scars are not hidden. They remind me as I look at them what can happen when your life is yielded to the love reflected in the face of Jesus. He loves ME!! He really loves me! My scars are indeed a testimony of grace too amazing to comprehend.

I most certainly still have the scars but more importantly, I have the love that gave me the wisdom to know that I had to leave that old life alone, the strength to live life on purpose now, and the courage to tell somebody else that you can make it. You can be free today if you give it all to Jesus! Your secrets are safe with Him.

I pray that you will take your pain, your hurts, your battle scars to Him. Ask Him to make you a new creature. Your life will never be the same – I promise you that!  To God be the glory for the great things He has done in me!!!

I AM LIVING VICTORIOUSLY!!! 

Author: Victoria E. Henderson Poole

Psalms 23 tells us that as we are led beside the still waters, our souls are refreshed. My prayer is that the words shared here will help to lead you to that place where you can find peace. Only in Christ Jesus is there fullness of joy!

6 thoughts on “I Still Have The Scars”

  1. Yes, I still have the scars of being hit from a man. I was six or seven months pregnant with my oldest daughter and my husband was upset from something I said to him. All I remember was tyring to bring myself to wonder why he just pushed me out of a moving vechile and I’m carrying his child. The scar is permanently on my left leg where the skin was removed. I can look back on that time in my life and thank God for saving me and my unborn child. Great is his mercy forward me!!!!

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    1. YES LORD!! His mercy is so much greater than ours!! Like we say, you don’t know my story or the changes I’ve been through. You’ll never understand my praise — my worship is for REAL!!!! Blessed be the name of the Lord!!!

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  2. I live everyday being a cancer survivor not once but twice and the
    lost of my family, my father, mother, sister and my brother but, I
    thank god everyday for bringing me through and giving me the
    strength to go on everyday.Victoria, the way you exposed yourself has
    to be uplifting for anyone who has went through any hardship. Keep
    the faith. Love, Renita

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  3. Sis. Poole,
    I agree strongly with Renita. Your writing is an unlift and strength to readers. Sometimes we need to know we are not alone in our adversities and we are normal. I am constantly reminded there are no respect of persons and everyone has a story/testimony. Most of our testimonies are not only for ourselves, but also for others to confirm that GOD is a healer, a deliverer, a way maker, and the I AM I AM. He’s ALL of everything.

    You are such an inspiration and the genuineness illustrated in these devotions speak volumes. I pray as you bless others through your devotions you, too, are blessed. You really keep it real. I thought of you yesterday. Please remain encouraged, know that I miss you. Thank you, Sis!
    Hugs,
    Keisa

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    1. Sis Keisa, Sis, Sis, Sis!!!

      Thank you so much for thinking of me. When you do pray!!! Not an easy time for me but God is doing a new thing!! and it’s marvelous in my eyes!!! I have to keep it real and am praying all the way that what comes will bless someone, will help someone to know it’s ok to be real and that God’s love covers it all.

      I love you and miss you too! We need to talk soon!! Victoria

      Like

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