Psalm 102:27 – KJV But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.
Well….it seems I have let the entire year of 2018 go by without writing. I did not reach out to you, my friends, and I am sorry for that. I have missed you! I honestly didn’t mean to go this long without writing. The truth is, I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I was going through.
I have been very unhappy most of the year and when I would try to write, I just couldn’t do it. I would think – who really wants to hear that I am sad, depressed, unhealthy, and sick of this life I was living? How can I encourage God’s people when I need this myself? I was just at a cross road and I let my self-pity stop me from doing what God has compelled me to do. I took myself out of His will for me and let my feelings get in the way of doing what I love to do and what I am called to do.
I have to be fully transparent because that is the only way I know how to be. I also have held up my book release due to fear. I actually felt that I could not possibly release a book of hope and encouragement when I felt so hopeless and defeated most days. Who would want to read my stories and how could I even hold my head up when all I wanted to do was run and hide?
I was in a bad place, and I cried and worshipped and still praised God through it all. But, I still didn’t move. I went to counseling, prayed and cried and still didn’t move. In October, I attended my high school reunion and even though I enjoyed seeing my folks from back in the day, I was miserable – in body and spirit. I was not in good health and smiled the whole time feeling so sad. I had a heart to heart while there with one of my best friends in this world, Dezi Moore. I told her how I was feeling and she told me, Vic, it’s time for you to take care of you. Do what you have to do to be sure you are ok and living the life you want to live. I watched as she laughed and enjoyed the moments of simply being when she had just come through one of the most scariest and painful health scares this year. It was simply God’s grace and mercy that she was even there with us and we had a blessed time indeed.
Seeing my old friends and being able to laugh with and share days of love with them changed me in a profound way. I realized that I had to take better care of myself and let go of things I was upset about but could not change. I came home with such a renewed mindset to change some things and I did just that. I began to eat healthier and I lost 8 pounds. I, along with Dezi and some other friends, joined a weight loss group where we challenge and support each other and have lost another 8 pounds. I have begun to exercise and it’s been hard but it’s so worth it to see and feel the changes in my body and mind.
I sent my manuscript to one more person to read through for me but I still procrastinated. On December 14th, I attended a banquet at my church and sat next to precious Elder Hines who let me ask questions about her writing history. I shared my fears with her and she told me, Victoria, remember, everybody is going through something. Your writings will help someone who needs to see what it looks like to go through and make it! She doesn’t know how much that impacted me and the tears I shed on the way home.
Well, God and I had a talk and in His loving way, He has forgiven my doubts and procrastination. The book is with my publisher and friend, Ruth, for the final lookovers and I have done my part as we walk in the final hours of 2018.
This year has not been easy for me, my friends, not even a little bit. But this I know – my God was with me on January 1 and He is with me even now. He knows the end from the beginning and He knew I would find my way back to His loving arms. Not because I have been good, but because He is good and His mercy endures forever. Once again, He has taken my mess and turned it into a message. This message is full of love and hope for my bright future!
And it’s for you too! God’s grace, which was amazing before we were even born, rings true in the scripture above! David proclaimed that He is the same, and His years have no end! Yep, here comes the tears! I may have needed this year to get it together but He knew that already and was with me in January, July, and December. Waiting for me to realize once again that I can do all things through Him. I believe! Help the parts of me, Lord, that will doubt Your power to heal and restore in the days to come!
I proclaim 2019 will be a victorious year for us all! There can be no doubt that “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Phillipians 1:6, NIV). I may not know what will happen or have control over much of it. But I do know more than ever that God is gonna be with me every step of the way. Cry, scream, yell – but don’t stop moving forward!
I pray that this coming year will have us all experience more of God in miraculous ways! Happy New Year, my friends! Welcome to a new road on the journey!
Still Living Victoriously!